Keep On Walking

Yesterday was our 4th AIDS Walk. I look forward to the event every year, but this year I was even more excited since I am so much more fit than I was last year. I still have a way to go, but I'm definitely getting there. I slacked on getting pledges so I sponsored myself just enough to get the t-shirt. Last year I got a uni-small and squeezed into it, just barely. I wasn't sure how it would be this time. Since it was cool and drizzly, I was wearing two tank tops and a long sleeved t-shirt, who knew if there was room for all those layers? Thanks to my exercise efforts I was able to fit everything in and still have a bit of room in the tummy. I felt great, but the best part was when I met up with my sister and she told me I looked good. It's such a boost to have other people notice you've been working hard. Did I mention I also wore a skirt a size smaller than last year? Well I did.

The day before I went for my weekly trail walk/run with  friends. It was a total of six miles, so we walked three miles up and then ran/jogged three miles back. The first time I did the trail I hated it because it seemed so boring, until it was time to run the return and I couldn't hang. Maybe it was not as fun as the 5 mile hike I had done the week before but it kicked my butt, and then some. This weekend was my third attempt at the trail and after two weeks of the "fun" hike I was not looking forward to it, mostly since I was afraid of getting my ass handed to me again. I surprised everyone by keeping my pace and jogging the whole way back, which I've never been able to do before. I wasn't kicking dust in anyone's face, but I was proud to have finished without stopping. I watched the street numbers get smaller and pushed myself to keep going. My friend gave me a high five when I finished a few seconds behind her. When our other friend finished just after us she told me I'm starting to look more shapely. Thanks ladies, couldn't have done it without you.

Sweet Victory

My weight loss bet ended last weekend. Results are as follows: I lost 10 lbs, my dad lost 2 lbs, my future brother gained 1.5 lbs and my mom opted not to weigh in after she knew my number. No one really congratulated with me, which was not too surprising since no one was really competing with me after the first week or two. I still wanted to celebrate and spend some of my winnings on something we could all enjoy. Up top is my victory cake that we ordered from Some Crust Bakery. We love their vegan cakes and will use any excuse to order one. I got chocolate cake with vegan bettercream and fresh strawberries for the filling.The quote is from a SATC episode, so bonus points if anyone recognizes it.

The contest may be over, but I am still working hard to get to my goal. I even uploaded photos to weightmirror.com to see what my "after" will look like. It's not completely accurate of course but the approximation is still rather inspiring. At first I just used older pictures I had saved to the computer, but then I asked my sister to take new ones, which no one else is allowed to see since I got down to my underthings. I printed it out and posted it in my room so I can keep an eye on the prize. I will probably do a more "public" set to put up on the fridge too.

I've also been working at rearranging my room, which I've been wanting to do ever since the huge bed took over. There are a few small details to sort out but the vision I had is almost fully realized. I will have to paint eventually but for now I just wanted to open up more space, get rid of tons of old clothes/things I no longer need and get organized again. Keeping busy has definitely helped me stick to my program. I don't engage "bored eating" like I would have in the past. I'm going to try to stop doing it entirely since it's a bad habit.

I'm just glad to be getting myself back on track, in many areas. It feels great to have order and control again. I am still embarrassed that I ever let that happen but I can't dwell on it. I can only keep going forward. I went for a hike last weekend with a friend and am going again this weekend. I am excited to keep that up since it was so gorgeous up there and it's great for my bum which could use a boost.

Crunch Time

I have almost two weeks left on my weight loss bet. I am not where I thought I would be, but I am going to keep working to pick up the slack. I started out so strong, maybe too strong, and now I am fighting like mad to make sure I still win (and lose!). I thought I could lose 10-15 lbs and keep on going. I've only lost 5-6 pounds so I am going to push for 10 but if I end up with 8 that's okay too, it's not like my program is over when the bet ends. I have a long way to go to get to my long term goal, this was just a good way of bringing back focus.

No one else is making an effort so it is not as fun as it was at the start. Even if I do win, it won't really feel like it since it's like I am playing this game by myself. It makes me sad because I really wanted everyone to work harder at being healthy. I would love to lose to my mom or dad if it meant they stopped eating so much bad food and started exercising. I would not mind losing to my brother-in-law-to-be either. He is more muscular and younger so he should be kicking all of our butts, but his bad habits are keeping him back.

I like to do a cleanse in the summer but I am waiting until after the bet is over because I know if I win they'll say I cheated by doing that. We never made any rules about what you could or couldn't use. If someone wanted to use pills or crash diet it wouldn't bother me too much. I wouldn't do it because I want to do all of the work so I can enjoy all of the reward. The quick fixes are tempting sometimes but it just isn't worth it.

My number one weapon in this battle has been Penny. Having her in my life means I have to walk every day, but it's more fun with a partner. Now that her insides are under control we can spend more time outside. We're almost back to our original 90 minutes a day of walking and this is our third solid week of daily park trips in the morning (during my slump I wasn't getting up early enough to do that). I don't have to but I am going to share my winnings with her. She needs a new house and maybe some new toys. I'm getting new sneakers and maybe a few new tops. Wish me luck!

You Can Have Anything You Want But You Better Not Take It From Me...

...unless it's my unwanted pounds. I will be more than happy to part with those and I believe Ms. Moskowitz' latest book, Appetite for Reduction, will help me do just that. I don't mean to hurt any one's feelings, but here goes, this woman is my favorite cookbook author, ever. I still haven't worked my way through all of her cookbooks, but everything I have made so far has been fantastic. I am excited to find out what new recipes await, but being an impatient gal, I did take a sneak peek through a testing flickr-thanks tofu666!. I almost wish I hadn't since I would love to start cooking tonight (my weight loss bet ends in four weeks!). However, the December release date will be perfect for when it's time to shed the holiday poundage/start the new year healthier. Now do I put it on my wish list, or buy it for myself?

mini update

* After almost two weeks back on the i/d, Penny is looking much better. I hate to admit it but something in that food does right by her. I went to the vet today to get more. I want to compare it to the science diet formula you can buy at the stores since my brother-to-be can get a discount for us. He's also trying to set us up for some free training classes.

* I am feeling really confident about walking away with that money from the weight loss bet. I think I lost 3-4 pounds already. So far it seems I am the only one who is making any effort, but I have to keep working hard and staying motivated. My sister and her boyfriend have a $100 side bet going so that is extra pressure. Since I've drafted my mom's dogs into my program, I weighed Carmela, the smallest dog, to see if she loses any weight by the end of our bet. I could not get Chloe on the scale, next time will just weigh myself with and without her.

* Yesterday I said goodbye to my Grandma C I'm pretty sure it was the last time I'd see her alive even if she didn't see me. She was asleep the whole time and would occasionally mumble a few words between snores and gasps. It's shitty to admit but I almost wish I hadn't gone. I am fighting like mad to keep that from being the last memory I have of her. I have tons of other great memories of her but the picture of her small wasted body is still burning my brain. I just want peace for her, no more pain. I know what will crush me most is to see my dad break down.

weight and see

Last week my sister's boyfriend agreed to a weight loss challenge I had proposed a few months ago. We had compared our ID photos, both taken five years ago when we were in much better shape and knew it was time to get back on track. I was already working toward that end but having the added incentive of competition has set it off.

He should win. He is younger, more muscular, and doesn't really have too much fat on him. He's grown a tummy over the last two years while dating my sister, but that's the only weight I can see he should lose. I really do not think he should drop more than 15 lbs or he would look weird.

Even though he should win, I do not believe he will. His eating habits are horrible. He mostly eats fast food, and because it is so cheap, he eats a lot of it. Thursday he ate fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We try to help him eat healthier and he eats almost everything I cook for us, but when he is on his own it's a different story. As far as I know, he does not exercise and he just got a new xbox, so I'm not sure how that's going to work out. Maybe he will do exercise games/DVDs on it. The main reason I do not think he will beat me is that he loses motivation and focus easily. I'm not totally counting him out though. We both are competitive people so we'll just have to see who wants it more.

I eat healthy and am always trying to eat healthier. I have started taking a better look at my portions and am listening to my body more. I am keeping a half ass food diary too. I'm not going super crazy and counting calories, but I think just writing down what I eat will make me more accountable. I'm not going to want to write down that I ate two handfuls of chips and then cross it out and change it to five. So far my journal looks good, and I will look better too.

As for exercising, I get a decent amount of cardio every day from walking Penny. Last night I started taking the other two dogs for short walks. They're smaller and do not need as much exercise but they are both a lot rounder than they should be. I think their combined weight but equal Penny's which is sad since they are small breed dogs. The three of us can lose weight together. But if I really want to do this, cardio is not going to cut it. I added some strengthening and toning exercises this week. I hadn't done them in a long time so I got my butt kicked. It felt great.

In the spirit of fun, I started trash talking this week. I want to win so badly, and even though I joke about wanting to smoke everyone, I do want it to be a close competition. I need to do this for myself, but we all need to get healthier and it is easier to do when you have support. After hearing enough of my talk, my mom decided she wanted in on the action. She and I had a bet years ago and neither of us won because neither of us tried. We upped the stakes to $50 each and added a week to the time frame. She and I talked trash all through dinner. Later that night she informed me that my dad also wanted in on the bet. Now we really have something going, everyone thinks s/he is going to win.

I secretly think I am going to take this, but maybe one of them will surprise me. As long as we each lose a bit of weight we are all winners. One winner is going to have $200 for some new clothes.

how we roll

Yesterday we took my dad rollerskating for the first time in about 20 years and my niece for the firt time ever. My aunt also came along for the fun. I couldn't believe we got them all up and on skates and they didn't fall as much as I thought they might have. I surprised myself and did not fall even once, though I had a few near misses.

It took a while to get into whatever perceived groove I had, but after a while I was able to make about 6-7 consecutive laps at a time, which is probably a new record for me. I would normally do one lap, exit and wait about twenty minutes before trying again. I should have worn full length socks with my full length skates but I thought I would be okay. We covetted this jaina's jam skates the whole session. I am going to see if I can find a deal on some of those. One thing I did not expect was to get so darn sweaty. The way I "roll", whether on bikes, skates, or the few times behind the wheel is that I feel I have to keep going and freak out about what will happen if I stop (car excepted). So I think I just keep pushing myself along when really I could coast a bit more and not use so much energy to get around the rink. I know part of it is also that I've still got quite a bit of extra personage to haul around, though thankfully not as much as I had a year ago. I know I shouldn't make too much of the numbers but I will be really excited when I officially lose 20 lbs. I am glad to have kept the 15 off and I keep getting close, but I'm not there yet.

My niece did so much better than I thought she would and kept going out there and giving it her best. I was afraid there would be screaming and crying but she kept it to a mild whine and some pretty good freaked out faces. I wish I was a better skater and could have taken her out a few times, but I think we'd take each other out before hitting the first turn. Good news is they still have the discount night during the summer so we might go to that a few times before the season is up. I know my thighs will be so thankful, and maybe if it is disco enough I can get away with a sweatband.

wear it well

Ever since I started losing weight earlier this year I had been thinking it would be great to get an adorable dress to wear on my birthday. I wanted to celebrate being comfortable in my own skin and also the work I have been doing to get healthier (with help from Penny!). I hadn't really shopped for anything but did see a cute yellow dress at H & M. I tried it about a month ago but it was all wrong. It had way too much gathering/pleating at the waist, super unflattering the waist I had just recovered and the hips I am still glad to have.

With less than a week to go, I have no amazing new dress. What I do have is a super cute summer dress from four birthdays ago, that I only wore once. It seems more appropriate to give the dress and the "bod" a simultaneous comeback party. I am not sure about the shoes though. The ones I wore a few years ago seem a bit too kicky now. They just might have to do since I don't have time to look for another pair and hopefully most eyes are directed upward anyway. Maybe next year I will spring for a new dress.

rules, schmules

I know a lot of people will tell you not to buy clothes you plan on fitting into later or to hold on to your "skinny" clothes in case, but I am glad I did the latter. It's going to save me some money over the next few months since I don't want to buy too much new clothes that will be too big for me a few months later. I have one of those under the bed boxes full of casual tops and tee shirts (mostly reis-related, shhhh). I only saved my faves and did toss out a lot of stuff before setting these gems aside. Like I said, it's mostly band shirts and a few thrift store numbers I can't quite give up yet, maybe when I am 35 or 40?

Last night before going to dinner I tried on some of them and they looked great, just like old times. My only new problem is that I do need to find some new bottoms to go with them. Most of the shirts end at my natural waist and my most recent go-to skirt is low rise and getting lower every day (need a belt-stat!). I am going to cruise old navy again because I remember seeing higher waisted skirts a while back. I have a really cute above the knee one, but I need to extend my tan and get over being thigh-shy. I did wear it this morning to the library, so that's a start.

I'm really proud of the progress I've made, especially since I haven't even begun to put forth a real effort. If I this is what I achieve by putting in the minimum, I can only imagine what I can do if I really put it down. Were it not for my four legged fitness partner, I doubt I would be walking so much. I have to thank her that and the amazing tan I am getting too! Since she is starting to do a bit better (thanks meds!) I will have to start planning some supplementary solo exercise in the weeks to come, mainly I want to add some weights and some shaping stuff. Of course when she is recovered we can extend our walks to what they used to be and resume jogging in the a.m. I can get back to cooking/planning better meals as well. I know I basically shoved everything else aside to take care of Penny, but I am glad I did.

super scooper

The last two months have been, to put it literally, shitty. Penny has been having digestive issues ever since her spay and I have been on poop patrol.I figure I bore everyone around me enough talking about it that I don't need to go the extra mile and spread the word to the internerd as well.

We went to the vet on Tuesday and we're trying to rule out a few things before freaking out. He said to put her on the canned i/d again until she firms up and then try the i/d dry food. Thank goodness he only charged me for the cans because this shit is getting expensive. It's about 27 bucks for a case of the canned stuff which only feeds her for about four days. I have to feed her a bit extra right now to get her back to a healthy girl size. She was getting a bit ribby.

She does great on the canned food but I'm hoping she will do just as well on the dry. It's only the second day so I probably won't know for sure until Monday/Tuesday. She usually does well for 1-2 days and then it starts to go soft and just gets worse from there. I have the paperwork to back this up, no joke. You have to. So keep your fingers crossed that she can stay firm and we can keep her on the prescription dry food and at some point put her on a "normal" dry food. As long as she is healthy that is all I really care about, but I'm hoping we can get a little bit more on the affordable side of health in a month or two. Afterall, Mommy is only working 32 hours these days.

Penny isn't the only one to drop a few pounds, I did too. I am officially calling out 15 lbs since January. Even though I have a long way to go, I am really proud and excited. I know not too many people can really tell yet, other than a few close co-workers and my sister. I know that wearing older clothes that do not fit me the best isn't helping out. I have to start wearing some more fitted things and showing off a bit. I did work for it, I get to work it.

half the fun

for under forty bucks at the old navy i got a new denim skirt (above the knee-watch out!), an adorable polka dotted hooded sweatshirt and two bright easter egg-like
t-shirts, one pink and one yellow. score! i am feeling the spring colors and they look good on me now that i've got some color of my own. i'm not going to go completely clothes crazy since i shouldn't be spending a lot of money and also because i'm still under construction. i just get a top or two here and there so i don't get too bummed about not having a lot to work with when i'm working it.

by end of the month i think i'll have closed the deal on twenty pounds, which is really exciting. to say i'm not counting would be lying, i probably hop on and off the scale at least once a day but i don't put too much on it. i know you can lose/gain water really easily but it's just fun when you get a lower number that you know isn't totally real yet but it feels more in the realm of possibility than it might have a few weeks ago, since for that moment is it right in front of you.

when i was younger and starting to gain weight (maybe 8 or 9?) my mom would try to scare/nag me into losing weight by warning me i was "getting there". i know she wasn't saying it to hurt me, and it was probably coming from a caring place but it was also a little hard to swallow since no one in my family was then or is now, the picture of health. other than my sister i would say most of us are technically obese. there is always junk food in the house and we were never very active as a family. maybe if we had healthier options we would have turned out differently, but we're all adults now and control what we put in our mouths and whether or not we choose to get off our asses.

i am working really hard to change that in my own life and i can only hope that they will also start to make changes to take better care of themselves and each other. i have been trying to drag my mom and/or dad out with me for at least one of penny's walks a few times a week. i think my mom went about three times last week and my dad once. i know it can be tougher as you get older but it's really never too late to try. i still have long way to go to get to where i want to be, but i am sure as hell "getting there" this time.

thighspace?

thanks myspace for reminding me that i need to lose some weight, because i don't think of it nearly enough. i have been eating way healthier and walking a lot more so i am feeling a lot better about how i am taking care of myself. i have this silly strategy that if i lose a bit of weight before the holidays, whatever holiday pounds i put on will sort of cancel that out and i break even. my goal is to take it one day at a time and just keep trying harder to be healthy. i don't have any real numbers or dates in mind because that will just freak me out and push me toward failing. i want to try a new food every week or so to get used to eating a wider variety of foods and to put the veg back in vegan. i think i am going to get "pudge free holidays" from the happy herbivore. i haven't tried any of her recipes yet but they all look so good.

anyway i think that is a disgusting ad because what if it hits someone who really does not need to lose weight but starts to think s/he should because it is constantly being thrown in his/her face. i'm not saying myspace alone causes eating disorders but there are already a lot of negative media images that contribute to them so it's not helping.