Just A Cutter Number

I know I took this job because I needed a job and at the time it also seemed that the job needed me. A lot of the tasks reminded me of the library so I tried to pretend that the files were books and it was sort of like my own little collection or something. I knew where everything was and everyone knew that I knew and that was kind of cool for a while.

I've done my time as the file monkey, now I'm on desk duty. I already know how to do everything there is to do here. I hit the ceiling, hard.

I really enjoy working with my boss and there are very few other managers I would feel comfortable working with since hardly any of them seem to know what they are doing and they do not support their employees. Luckily she is in a similar situation and she would encourage me to either learn new programs/tasks and move to another department or to go to school for what I really want to do. I know she would back me on whatever I decide to do, but because I am really bad at loyalty and guilt, I feel horrible to leave the department to any of the others because it will just go to utter shit. As is, I am very disappointed with the people we have, I have hardly any confidence in them, individually and as a whole. But I have to remember that as soon as I walk away (whenever that might be), it isn't my problem anymore.

Per usual, I'm off to a late start, but I am finally getting myself in gear to make ready for the second round of school, provided I get in. I have to register and study for the GRE and try and find some schools that might be nice and give me a chance (see: not so good gpa and 0 letters of recommendation--that's what happens when you don't think you will go to grad school because compared to the other gals in your family, graduating in four years without getting married or pregant is already a huge deal--and also because you were dumb and didn't go to counselors/advisors because you didn't think you needed to do that). I can round up my library cohorts and I'll probably volunteer at the local branch, even though I am all about the LOC. I'll have to go on a field trip to see the old place and run next door and beg for mercy.

God help me, I think I want to work in reference, or maybe it is because I just watched Desk Set last week while wrapping gifts.

You Can Save 15%

I'm no math major but 15 percent, isn't a whole lot to be saving. I could save 100% by not buying the damn thing. Taking twenty nine dollars off the total but adding more drama to my life by starting up credit again, it's not even a question. No thank you.

Last November I paid off all my cards. This November I paid off a personal debt. Other than school loans, I'm in the clear, such a good feeling even if I have to wrestle with Sallie Mae for the next 20 years or so. I've gotten much better at managing my money so as long as it keeps coming in, I should be able to pay those off in a reasonable way too.

I had lunch with a girl from work the other day and I was so frustrated with her since she was being so careless with her money. She got paid and still had over a hundred dollars of overdraft. I think the reason I was so upset was that she reminded me a lot of the stupid things I did when I was that age and I didn't want her to keep going on like that because it is such a bad pattern and way to live. So I told her I would help her try and make a plan, which is still really funny for me to think I could ever be anyone's financial advisor. The main difference between her shenanigans and mine, is that she has a kid, and I don't. You can make all the stupid mistakes you want when you don't have someone else depending on you, but when you do, I don't know, it seems like it is time to grow the fuck up and stop being stupid. I think she is one of those people who is going to learn everything the hard way, and still possibly not learn some of it. I know even if I offer to help her and even if I write everything out and make pie charts and bar graphs and give her an allowance, she still won't change any of it unless it is something she really wants to do. But when someone is asking "why don't I have any money?" and that person goes out to lunch everyday, never writes down anything she charges to her debit and has just got her nails done, I don't know, I would pull my hair out if there was any left.

Anyhow, since I didn't feel like walking around with a ton of cash yesterday I used my debit at bloomingdales and macy's (so lame it says "bloomys" on my bank charges- my mom would think it was cool though) and of course both times they asked if I wanted to apply for a card and I had to say no. I know I still have a tendency to go nuts when I am shopping and it is okay to do that sometimes since it is with real money and those were my intentions yesterday. But I did have to stop and do some math and make sure I didn't go too nuts and end up like Ms. Overdraft, which I didn't. I figured out what was left and took out a reasonable amount of cash and no more debitting until next pay period. I have $45.12 in my checking, but I am gettting paid Wednesday and I have cash for groceries in the meantime.

I'm all growed up, except for that whole living at home and having a driver thing.

I used to want to date a vegetarian

but now I am thinking I need to find someone who is overly fond of veal because I have some meaty calves.

Cooties

I like how I can talk to any guy quite easily unless he is one I want and also that only really gross or weird guys seem to want me. Yeah this is a great set up. It's no wonder that when one day some guy that might actually be worth a damn tries to just say hi to me I will probably mace him and run off before he can even do so. Then I'll go home and feed the cats and bake a pie and eat it all by myself.

Thank you holidays for making me feel like a big fat loser. See you same time next year. Hopefully I won't be a fat loser again, but save me some cookies in case.